If Georgia Could Talk

Sara, 

Though you did not ask for this, I thought I would share a list of things I have wanted to tell Georgia since I got her as a puppy. Do you have a list of things you wanted to say to  your cats when you got them? Did you want to say different things to Holiday than to Mickey? Don’t write back and say you don’t have a list, because I know you do.

Tegan

Things I have wanted to tell Georgia – in chronological order – since getting her as a puppy:

1 – Georgia, it really stresses me out and makes me feel like I’m failing you when I miss the signs that you have to go to the bathroom. So, let's come up with something really obvious moving forward. Brainstorming here but...maybe walk to the door, and sit, and I’ll know you need to go outside??

2 – We gotta talk about you destroying your bed.  We’ve gone through three in a matter of a week.  The internet says this is normal — you’re a puppy— but I am growing concerned with the amount of stuffing you’re eating, and ultimately I don’t want to keep buying you beds if you are going to pee on them and eat them while we are sleeping. Let’s get into it? Are you fine just being in the crate? No bed for a bit? Maybe we can try again in a year? Are we humanizing you? Do you even need a bed?

She ate three beds, and two crate covers the first 8 months we had her.

3 – Do you like the name Georgia ? Or do you prefer Georgie, or George? Is it confusing if we use all three?

4 – The reason I yelp when you bite me is because the neighbor with the Pitbull said that’s how you train puppies to stop biting. It does make you stop, but you also seem distressed when I do it. Ultimately, it’s on me to correct you until you can get your shots and play with other dogs who will teach you these things. Cool?

5 – Why did you stop eating your kibble? I thought you loved this kibble!

6 – WHERE DID YOUR TEETH GO!? I can see there are a bunch missing. Did you swallow them? Are they inside you? Are they hidden somewhere in the apartment!? SHOW ME WHERE THEY ARE!?

7- Why do you hate the hallway in our apartment, and everyone in it? You used to love going out there and getting pets from everyone.  Now it’s just growling and barking. What happened? How can I make it less scary for you?  I wrote the neighbors a letter to explain that you are going through a phase, not to take it personally, but if you could just let me know what's going on maybe we can get through the phase faster???

8 – I know you hate it when little dogs bark at you, but you’re so much bigger than them, so please stop reacting when they go off.  Your bark is much louder than theirs, and the lunging makes you seem like a bully, when you’re actually really sweet.  We have to work on you staying in your lane, ignoring troublemakers and trusting that I will protect YOU, so you don’t need to protect me.

“I want you to know that your other mom and I run to the restaurant, only have one drink, order no appetizers, rush eating our mains, and run home so you aren't alone too long.”

9 – When I take your other mom for date night and we leave you in the crate it’s truly just so you feel safe while we are gone (and we don’t trust you not to ruin our stuff if I’m being honest).  But know that it breaks my heart to stand in the hall and hear you whining after leaving.  Waiting for the elevator is a brutal test in letting go.  The internet said it’s good for you to learn you can be without me and your other mom.  It’s going to build your confidence, apparently.  Still, I want you to know that your other mom and I run to the restaurant, only have one drink, order no appetizers, rush eating our mains, and run home so you aren't alone too long. 

10- I give you the front seat next to your other mom because you get car sick.  Does it make you feel better to sit up front with the window open? Cause it’s super crowded in the back seat, so if it isn’t helping, I’d be happy to switch spots with you. 

Georgia rode in the front seat of our Fiat Electric car for months. While I sat in the back. My partner also changed her wallpaper on her phone to Georgia around this time.

Georgie sits in the back now.

11 – As you know Georgia, I don’t love when you bark at strangers, but today when you barked at the person sunbathing topless in the park I didn’t laugh out loud, but inside it delighted me. 

“Your dog trainer suggested I ride the bike while other mom feeds you.  She said you’d get used to it, and learn the bike isn’t a threat. It’s been a few weeks. Is it helping?”

12 – FYI the reason we brought my bike into the apartment George is that you seem pretty freaked out around bikes lately.  Out of nowhere you are barking and lunging in the path of every bike we see on our walks. Your dog trainer suggested I ride the bike while other mom feeds you.  She said you’d get used to it, and learn the bike isn’t a threat. It’s been a few weeks. Is it helping? Also, while we’re talking about the bike, you know I’m a minimalist, so between your crate, the training bed, your regular bed, and now the bike, the apartment is getting cluttered.  So let’s get past the bike issue okay? 

13 – Georgie, please bring the ball back to me when I throw it to you in the park. It’s so embarrassing when you drop it halfway back to me and then come and sit at my feet. You learned how to do sit, down, come, place, crate, turn, pray, roll over, touch, teeth, leash, hug and dinner, but you can’t learn the meaning of BRING ME THE BALL! WHY!?

14 – My favorite thing is when you rush from your crate to see me in the morning.  I love how happy you look. 

The only time Georgia ever got to be on the couch was for this photo. We don’t let her on the furniture. But I couldn’t help myself. I wanted one cuddle. She didn’t seem that into it.

15 – I know you saw me and other mom laughing at you tonight in the cone.  I’m sorry.  Surgery is no joke.  It’s just, it’s been a hard fucking week, and so we have to find levity where we can. The good news is you’ll never accidentally get pregnant. 

A rite of passage. The spay.

16 – Please don’t chase the herring on the beach George.  I don’t know if they are endangered but they look prehistoric, and I don’t want you to accidentally kill one of them.  It’s also super embarrassing when we go to the off-leash beach and you chase ducks.  We brought a ball and tons of sticks, so please leave the ducks alone. You can, however, continue to chase the geese off the lawn because I’m tired of trying to get you not to eat their shit.

Looking for birds to chase.

17 – I’m so glad you like bikes now! But why do you hate suitcases!!!!????

18- I know you want to sleep in the room with me and other mom George, but every single time you breathe or move I wake up.  It took me years to get used to sleeping next to other mom, and I just don’t have the patience right now to learn how to have you in the room.  I need a few hours away from you. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m used to having way more time on my own, and now I spend all day with you and I just need some space. I promise you’re not missing anything fun or interesting in here. It’s just me and other mom talking about you and how you ruined our life.  JK Georgia. 

I wish you could tell me your dreams and then I could tell you mine. All I have ever wanted was to have someone to tell my dreams to when I wake up.

19- I love when you vocalize to me in the morning when it’s my turn to get up early and let you out of the crate.  I feel like you’re telling me your dreams.  I wish you could tell me your dreams and then I could tell you mine.  All I have ever wanted was to have someone to tell my dreams to when I wake up.

Fingers crossed this bed lasts.

20- Alright Georgia, we bought a new bed for your crate.   It’s been a year, but I feel like you’re getting really mature, and destroying less stuff, so, here goes….please don’t eat it!