Yeah, even though I’ve mentioned it in passing I struggle with how to address what happened with the election too. I don’t think I can say it better than you did. Hope is good, we should all still have hope, even though in times like this it feels really hard.
It’s interesting what you said about being a follower, the YouTubers I watch online to me have always been that, people I watch online and that I’m interested in, I’ve never been under any illusion that I’m very special because I follow them, I’m appreciated for following them and being a fan but that’s it. As I’ve mentioned before, I like when public figures set boundaries, it’s healthy and it sets a good example for the rest of us.
As someone who’s an aspiring author I know that for my job I’ll need social media, I’ll admit that scares me, I personally don’t think (talking about myself, I don’t speak for anyone else), I don’t think social media is healthy, for me the benefits don’t outweigh the damage it can cause, especially because I’m a trans/nonbinary person and I don’t plan to hide that. But I will eventually do it for my job (probably when I’m getting ready to publish my first book). I’ll probably just post a lot about my dogs. (Just want to clarify in case it was’t clear, that was not me judging others for using or consuming social media, I was just explaining my opinions). And as I mentioned I use and like to use YouTube, but I’ve only started actually engaging with the videos (commenting) recently.
Thanks for sharing Sara! Writing my comment was actually a nice distraction from a few other things that are stressing me out.
Phoenix, he/they, 18, Australia
PS: I just wanted to acknowledge that invasion day (known by some as Australia Day) is today [In Australia, I mean, it might be different because of time zones, it’s on the 26th]. My family deliberately don’t celebrate this day because it’s the day England arrived on Australian shores and proceeded to take over by force, k*lling so many of our indigenous people, not just with physical weapons but unfamiliar diseases that our indigenous people didn’t have any exposure to. (And there’s much more to know about that day and about our indigenous people, anyone who’s interested should do some research of their own.)
I didn’t want to finish my comment without acknowledgement of today and the awful things that happened.
This is my first ever post in social media. I'm probably one or two generations older than the rest of you here, but your words were mine. I too have been fighting the "old white man" my whole life and felt the short-lived moment of equality amongst diversity, before it was so rudely snatched away.
I, however, have ignored social media completely until now, after the american inauguration, the words "we're gonna need each other" have become a reality and I realise how alone I am/feel. Just last week I told myself to keep my mouth shut and be a hypocrite like everyone else, but those values I live by were so hard earned that it would be wrong and most probably the hardest way out in any case.
So, I too wish to thank you for expressing my feelings and making me feel a little less hopeless.
Thank you for this post. I'm not 60/40, but I suppose that split is as most even as it can be. I think because I don't want to believe 100% doom there is a sliver of hope, but only time will tell. I hope Sid inherits a better world than what we have now, and thanks for the "Help me, Help you." =)
Thanks for writing, Sara. The state of the US government is worrisome. I try to have hope; try to stay informed but not entrenched in it all so much that I miss out on what’s right in front of me.
I hear you about being baffled why we don’t all want a world with the values you mention teaching Sid. As Rosie grows, the conversations we have about these topics expand. Our values, other peoples’ conflicting values… I want her to have awareness but not be fearful, to be understanding and open minded, but also call out injustice. We want to protect our kids and equip them skills and knowledge, somedays it feels impossible. Today, I managed ok.
I oscillate between using social media for positive reasons (there are a few) and just wanting to delete all online presence. It’s really a love hate relationship, and it’s been that way for years. I used IG for my business and was super consistent for a long time, but that slowed down in 2020. So I don’t have that reason anymore to maintain things. That said, I’ve connected with wonderful people and met some of my best friends through the internet, so I try to focus on the positive aspects. It’s definitely addictive; and as person who needed to get sober from alcohol, I keenly see the addictive tendencies. Awareness is key.
This time around, I'm going to take my cue from the American black population, who have been putting up with this for, well, forever. They don't seem to get all crazy about it, like I did the last time. Instead, they just live their lives, grit their teeth, and get through it. Find a way to survive. Find a way to even thrive.
If we consider social media as an addiction, which I agree that it is, it also means deleting the apps won't help because you need to really WANT to quit. At the same time, if you got to a place where you're mentally there, then having it on your phone won't matter anymore. I quit Twitter in 2021. That place was such toxic garbage fire and it made me feel bad constantly. It's always on my phone, I never deleted it. But I also never go on there or am tempted too.
Maybe that approach will help you, too? Or maybe, if we continue with the addiction analogy, it's not the best thing. Is it not like an alcoholic hiding a bottle under the sink just in case? But maybe it's a start. If you know you can always re-download it, then does deleting it change anything or is it just a self-performative act to sooth ourselves and convince ourselves we're being active about our decision?
I also think that we're afraid of being selfish. "How can I actively choose not to know what's going on on the news?" Yes. It's no secret that people who don't follow the news are happier. And if we're happier, don't we function better? I.e. - aren't we better members of society? Put the oxygen mask on yourself first so you can help others, right? Don't be crushed by the weight of the news, save this energy for your kid, etc,. etc.
But I guess the truth is somewhere in the middle. We want to stay functional and also recognize there's responsibility to be aware. So maybe it's a compromise. Mine has been to watch the evening news and get notifications on the app throughout the day, but not go online and actively seek for more news.
Maybe we choose to get things in bite size, so we're not ignorant, but we have enough remaining energy to go to a protest.
I think it's totally a learning curve, and I think it's very individual, and like with any addiction, there will be relapses. But then the count starts again.
I was going to write a long drawn out post. I’ll just say I’ll take the 40% hope. I also hope Sid takes what you teach him grows up to be a decent person. 🙏
And your last editor’s note was cheeky. Tell Emy I said Hi lol.
Thanks for making me feel less alone and giving me hope
I’m basically off social media for news purposes, i just read newspaper/magazine articles to stay up to date on the news — feels less frenetic that way, more in control of what i want to be updated on
Social media ‘news’ is all clickbait to drive traffic, so it doesn’t have informing you as its first goal
The NYT or the New Yorker are in the business of informing you the truth, as best as they can
You and your immediate and extended family are in a good country. Canada is almost everything the US is not, right now. Enjoy it. Hell, relish it. I remember when the US was more like Canada than the horrid and scary place it is today. Reagan began the slow dismantling of norms and institutions designed to keep America upright, even in stormy seas. Now, the US is not a good bet. It is unstable, fractured, and half the population only believes the ranting of one person.
We had a plan, eight years in the making, that would relocate us from America to Canada. The election was the last straw. We have never been happier. I have never felt more relaxed. We don’t make as much money, sure, but we also don’t need it as much here. Life in Canada is cheaper than in the US. Also, I am not worried at all about Nicky, or whether or not I will pick him up at the end of a school day in a body bag.
Sure, many will view us as ‘cowards’ and ‘disloyal.’ That’s fine with me. We were exhausted from fighting the good fight. Now, my family has a chance at a stable, quiet, peace filled, happy, and prosperous life. Under the first MAGA administration, we were never sure about everything. Now, it is even worse.
Enjoy the lovely country we live in. The neighbors to the south are not the ones to invite to dinner.
It's comforting to hear from someone you look up to in such an intimate way like this and I can of course relate. I remember you once saying (in jest) that we should burn it all down and start over :-)
I went into the election knowing what the outcome would probably be, because that’s just the way things are. But strangely enough, by the time the election had happened, I radically accepted it, seriously. Don’t get me wrong, one thing that got me through my fucked up life so far is knowing to always keep my mouth shut, and my eyes wide open. The state of things is pretty gnarly right now, and as a lesbian , I’m smart enough now that things don’t look good for a lot of us, especially those of us in the queer community. But, and my plans to move the heck out of this country up to Canada aside, i’m not worrying about it because no matter what, I’ve learned I have to do what’s best for me, and before I make my big move to separate myself from this messed up country of mine, I’m going to do my quiet moves to make change, whether it’s through my writing or other things, and then make my statement. My ancestors helped found this country, which gave me the instincts to make things happen no matter what. But be smart about it. Let’s hope whatever things we can do to make things better in this world make things better for us, but especially for children like Sid❤️ If nothing else, let’s leave a legacy they can be proud of. Sincerely, your biggest fan from New Jersey, The Humble Wordsmith ❤️
As tempted as I am to delete my social media (already deleted ig), I think of how I’ve been able to create a community with some amazing queer folks who I otherwise wouldn’t have been able to meet in person. It’s a privilege to live in a queer-friendly city, and for those who aren’t able to, I’d like to think that I can provide a sense of comfort and hope that they too can feel welcome in this horrific world.
Also, thank you, Sara, for all the work you put into your foundation! I try to tell as many people about it as I can (and social media is a great tool for that!). Hope you and Tegan are well. Sending love to you and all you Loners ❤️
Thank you, Sara. This is the stuff on a lot of our minds right now. It’s great just to hear your voice and know we’re grappling with similar things. ❤️
Thank you for typing down my exact thoughts!
You make me feel a little less hopeless about it all
Hey Sara,
Thanks for posting! And thank you for reading!
Yeah, even though I’ve mentioned it in passing I struggle with how to address what happened with the election too. I don’t think I can say it better than you did. Hope is good, we should all still have hope, even though in times like this it feels really hard.
It’s interesting what you said about being a follower, the YouTubers I watch online to me have always been that, people I watch online and that I’m interested in, I’ve never been under any illusion that I’m very special because I follow them, I’m appreciated for following them and being a fan but that’s it. As I’ve mentioned before, I like when public figures set boundaries, it’s healthy and it sets a good example for the rest of us.
As someone who’s an aspiring author I know that for my job I’ll need social media, I’ll admit that scares me, I personally don’t think (talking about myself, I don’t speak for anyone else), I don’t think social media is healthy, for me the benefits don’t outweigh the damage it can cause, especially because I’m a trans/nonbinary person and I don’t plan to hide that. But I will eventually do it for my job (probably when I’m getting ready to publish my first book). I’ll probably just post a lot about my dogs. (Just want to clarify in case it was’t clear, that was not me judging others for using or consuming social media, I was just explaining my opinions). And as I mentioned I use and like to use YouTube, but I’ve only started actually engaging with the videos (commenting) recently.
Thanks for sharing Sara! Writing my comment was actually a nice distraction from a few other things that are stressing me out.
Phoenix, he/they, 18, Australia
PS: I just wanted to acknowledge that invasion day (known by some as Australia Day) is today [In Australia, I mean, it might be different because of time zones, it’s on the 26th]. My family deliberately don’t celebrate this day because it’s the day England arrived on Australian shores and proceeded to take over by force, k*lling so many of our indigenous people, not just with physical weapons but unfamiliar diseases that our indigenous people didn’t have any exposure to. (And there’s much more to know about that day and about our indigenous people, anyone who’s interested should do some research of their own.)
I didn’t want to finish my comment without acknowledgement of today and the awful things that happened.
This is my first ever post in social media. I'm probably one or two generations older than the rest of you here, but your words were mine. I too have been fighting the "old white man" my whole life and felt the short-lived moment of equality amongst diversity, before it was so rudely snatched away.
I, however, have ignored social media completely until now, after the american inauguration, the words "we're gonna need each other" have become a reality and I realise how alone I am/feel. Just last week I told myself to keep my mouth shut and be a hypocrite like everyone else, but those values I live by were so hard earned that it would be wrong and most probably the hardest way out in any case.
So, I too wish to thank you for expressing my feelings and making me feel a little less hopeless.
Thank you for this post. I'm not 60/40, but I suppose that split is as most even as it can be. I think because I don't want to believe 100% doom there is a sliver of hope, but only time will tell. I hope Sid inherits a better world than what we have now, and thanks for the "Help me, Help you." =)
Thanks for writing, Sara. The state of the US government is worrisome. I try to have hope; try to stay informed but not entrenched in it all so much that I miss out on what’s right in front of me.
I hear you about being baffled why we don’t all want a world with the values you mention teaching Sid. As Rosie grows, the conversations we have about these topics expand. Our values, other peoples’ conflicting values… I want her to have awareness but not be fearful, to be understanding and open minded, but also call out injustice. We want to protect our kids and equip them skills and knowledge, somedays it feels impossible. Today, I managed ok.
I oscillate between using social media for positive reasons (there are a few) and just wanting to delete all online presence. It’s really a love hate relationship, and it’s been that way for years. I used IG for my business and was super consistent for a long time, but that slowed down in 2020. So I don’t have that reason anymore to maintain things. That said, I’ve connected with wonderful people and met some of my best friends through the internet, so I try to focus on the positive aspects. It’s definitely addictive; and as person who needed to get sober from alcohol, I keenly see the addictive tendencies. Awareness is key.
This time around, I'm going to take my cue from the American black population, who have been putting up with this for, well, forever. They don't seem to get all crazy about it, like I did the last time. Instead, they just live their lives, grit their teeth, and get through it. Find a way to survive. Find a way to even thrive.
If we consider social media as an addiction, which I agree that it is, it also means deleting the apps won't help because you need to really WANT to quit. At the same time, if you got to a place where you're mentally there, then having it on your phone won't matter anymore. I quit Twitter in 2021. That place was such toxic garbage fire and it made me feel bad constantly. It's always on my phone, I never deleted it. But I also never go on there or am tempted too.
Maybe that approach will help you, too? Or maybe, if we continue with the addiction analogy, it's not the best thing. Is it not like an alcoholic hiding a bottle under the sink just in case? But maybe it's a start. If you know you can always re-download it, then does deleting it change anything or is it just a self-performative act to sooth ourselves and convince ourselves we're being active about our decision?
I also think that we're afraid of being selfish. "How can I actively choose not to know what's going on on the news?" Yes. It's no secret that people who don't follow the news are happier. And if we're happier, don't we function better? I.e. - aren't we better members of society? Put the oxygen mask on yourself first so you can help others, right? Don't be crushed by the weight of the news, save this energy for your kid, etc,. etc.
But I guess the truth is somewhere in the middle. We want to stay functional and also recognize there's responsibility to be aware. So maybe it's a compromise. Mine has been to watch the evening news and get notifications on the app throughout the day, but not go online and actively seek for more news.
Maybe we choose to get things in bite size, so we're not ignorant, but we have enough remaining energy to go to a protest.
I think it's totally a learning curve, and I think it's very individual, and like with any addiction, there will be relapses. But then the count starts again.
I was going to write a long drawn out post. I’ll just say I’ll take the 40% hope. I also hope Sid takes what you teach him grows up to be a decent person. 🙏
And your last editor’s note was cheeky. Tell Emy I said Hi lol.
Thank you. I will also never understand why we all don’t want those things.
Thanks for making me feel less alone and giving me hope
I’m basically off social media for news purposes, i just read newspaper/magazine articles to stay up to date on the news — feels less frenetic that way, more in control of what i want to be updated on
Social media ‘news’ is all clickbait to drive traffic, so it doesn’t have informing you as its first goal
The NYT or the New Yorker are in the business of informing you the truth, as best as they can
Social media just wants to get clicks
Cart before the horse
You and your immediate and extended family are in a good country. Canada is almost everything the US is not, right now. Enjoy it. Hell, relish it. I remember when the US was more like Canada than the horrid and scary place it is today. Reagan began the slow dismantling of norms and institutions designed to keep America upright, even in stormy seas. Now, the US is not a good bet. It is unstable, fractured, and half the population only believes the ranting of one person.
We had a plan, eight years in the making, that would relocate us from America to Canada. The election was the last straw. We have never been happier. I have never felt more relaxed. We don’t make as much money, sure, but we also don’t need it as much here. Life in Canada is cheaper than in the US. Also, I am not worried at all about Nicky, or whether or not I will pick him up at the end of a school day in a body bag.
Sure, many will view us as ‘cowards’ and ‘disloyal.’ That’s fine with me. We were exhausted from fighting the good fight. Now, my family has a chance at a stable, quiet, peace filled, happy, and prosperous life. Under the first MAGA administration, we were never sure about everything. Now, it is even worse.
Enjoy the lovely country we live in. The neighbors to the south are not the ones to invite to dinner.
It's comforting to hear from someone you look up to in such an intimate way like this and I can of course relate. I remember you once saying (in jest) that we should burn it all down and start over :-)
I went into the election knowing what the outcome would probably be, because that’s just the way things are. But strangely enough, by the time the election had happened, I radically accepted it, seriously. Don’t get me wrong, one thing that got me through my fucked up life so far is knowing to always keep my mouth shut, and my eyes wide open. The state of things is pretty gnarly right now, and as a lesbian , I’m smart enough now that things don’t look good for a lot of us, especially those of us in the queer community. But, and my plans to move the heck out of this country up to Canada aside, i’m not worrying about it because no matter what, I’ve learned I have to do what’s best for me, and before I make my big move to separate myself from this messed up country of mine, I’m going to do my quiet moves to make change, whether it’s through my writing or other things, and then make my statement. My ancestors helped found this country, which gave me the instincts to make things happen no matter what. But be smart about it. Let’s hope whatever things we can do to make things better in this world make things better for us, but especially for children like Sid❤️ If nothing else, let’s leave a legacy they can be proud of. Sincerely, your biggest fan from New Jersey, The Humble Wordsmith ❤️
As tempted as I am to delete my social media (already deleted ig), I think of how I’ve been able to create a community with some amazing queer folks who I otherwise wouldn’t have been able to meet in person. It’s a privilege to live in a queer-friendly city, and for those who aren’t able to, I’d like to think that I can provide a sense of comfort and hope that they too can feel welcome in this horrific world.
Also, thank you, Sara, for all the work you put into your foundation! I try to tell as many people about it as I can (and social media is a great tool for that!). Hope you and Tegan are well. Sending love to you and all you Loners ❤️
Thank you, Sara. This is the stuff on a lot of our minds right now. It’s great just to hear your voice and know we’re grappling with similar things. ❤️