Tegan
I keep reliving this embarrassing moment from a few years ago at a wedding when someone put a guitar in my lap, and I couldn’t recall a single piece of music to play. There’s an assumption that musicians are always ready to perform for any audience. The most egregious offenders are always other musicians, in this case, the warm-hearted nephew of the bride.
Does this happen to you? It was a circle of mostly strangers, and the anticipation on their faces turned me into an amnesiac. I also felt like a ventriloquist with a demonic doll on my lap. I slid my fingers up and down the neck, searching for the chords to Walking with A Ghost, but the key was wrong, and I flung the instrument back to its rightful owner. It was a complete choke and afterward, my partner, Stacy, had to reassure me that everyone was too drunk to notice. Really? A professional musician who can’t play a single song.
Something similar happened a few years ago at a piano bar in Ottawa. I had the lyrics to Groovy Kind of Love, right in front of me, and the melody mostly at hand, but I felt an utter lack of control over my voice. Afterward, I couldn’t help but think that the host must have doubted the claim by my friends that I was in a “really famous band.”
In both cases, I was intoxicated. Given that I rarely drink on stage or in the studio, I could blame the entire thing on the Pinot Gris. But, after two and a half decades of daily practice, and hundreds if not thousands of live performances, I must admit that I never feel fully in control of my skills.
Why does muscle memory behave this way? Forgetting a lyric on stage doesn't happen often but when it does, it feels like catching my toe on the edge of a stair. Tripping doesn’t make me worry that I’ve forgotten how to walk. This paralysis when I open my mouth and find I no longer have a music vocabulary is like a nightmare.
I’ve been going back to the piano to re-learn songs and play covers at night before I go to bed. Memorizing, for the first time in my life, the actual chord changes in our best-known work. I blame childhood piano lessons for the lack of pleasure I get from the instrument. But however uninspired it might feel, it is home base. If I ever attend a wedding again, let’s hope I’ve retained at least a song or two.
Sara
Do you know someone who regularly fails to perform effectively in jam circles and at karaoke bars? Maybe they’d like to read this post.
Amnesiac at a Wedding