There are two interesting points in this sharing in my opinion.
First: people always have this idea that those who do a certain thing for job, especially if they are famous, must always be ready to do it at any time. I think it's not really clear that there is a human being in front of they who is maybe just there to enjoy an evening, or has had a bad day or just doesn't want to think about what they thinks about most of the time.
Second: when these moments of blackout occur, which are more than normal in my opinion, the thing that paralyzes us is perhaps the fear of not having done our best, of disappointing and we worry about going to the bottom when because hey, we have studied, invested and worked practically every day of our life on something that we now master with closed eyes, we cannot allow ourselves to be wrong. But sometimes it just happens, as you said, tripping does not mean not knowing how to walk, I find it a very powerful phrase.
Sara, don't worry, if this happens to you in a live performance you can count on our support, we will also sing your entire discography!
Okay but can we talk about the fact that one of your heroes is yes, an award winning badass writer, but also a Canadian University professor. The rest of the world is out here idolizing actors and musicians and you're just minding your business fan girling over academia. No big deal.
It mustbe same for comedians who get asked to say something funny. It always seems strange to me. I mean you wouldn’t hand an artist a paintbrush and ask them to paint a picture at a wedding.
Personally I can’t relate to your hangover as I never get them myself, even after half a bottle of Patrón Silver. 😉
This is me when someone asks me my favorite anything. Have I ever heard music? What is a television? Motion pictures sound fun! What are they? But as a visual artist, when people ask me to "draw them something", I'm reduced to a 5th grader at best and feel a gnawing compulsion to show them Evidence™️ of past work that doesn't suck. But I'm too embarrassed to even do that much; it's probably secretly awful too but no one will tell me. So, I'm with ya girl. Though, Tegan does have you covered on forgetting lyrics on stage. You'll be okay.
Feb 15, 2022·edited Feb 15, 2022Liked by Tegan and Sara
Every week I have to present in front of the CEO, CTO, and the entire engineering team at the company I work for. It's nothing major - a powerpoint slide, a description of what my team is working on - but I am so in my head stressing that the CEO is unsatisfied that I fumble every sentence that isn't scripted. What's funny is that I'm someone who is generally unaffected by that kind of hierarchical status, and don't have general performance or presentation anxiety. The pressure I feel that I'm disappointing this one person in particular, though, turns me into a loon. Of course, we're our own worst critics. Case in point, one of the younger female engineers on my team recently told me that she's in awe of how I'm able to interact so "effortlessly" with that same group of people... and she sees me present every week! Ha! This topic reminds me of an article by Malcolm Gladwell about the distinction between panicking and choking during performative acts, called "The Art of Failure" - I found it interesting so I recommend reading it!
Feb 15, 2022·edited Feb 15, 2022Liked by Tegan and Sara
I know I can teach and lecture effortlessly without any worries or anxiety, yet when I went back for grad school three years ago and I had to give a presentation, I couldn’t say a single word watching people gaze at me. I had a major anxiety attack and lost my words. I struggle with “performing” (in my case presenting) in front of authority or in a crowd I’m not in control of. So it might not be intoxication that halts your ability to perform, but the pressure to prove you’re capable of performing and subconsciously knowing you’re not in control of the crowd.
Been playing guitar and singing since grade 8 and literally delete songs out of my brain entirely the minute after I learn them if I don't continuously play them. Exception would be the handful of songs I learned at age 14-15. Must be something to do with finding the cues to access the long-term storage. Weirdly though, the skills are retained. Like I'm not suddenly bad at guitar just can't remember how to play anything.
The opposite thing happened to me while intoxicated. I was in my early 20’s and learning basic guitar chords. I was terrible and I had absolutely no rhythm when strumming. One night, after eating a few pot cookies, I was suddenly able to play Beyoncé’s part in “Telephone” flawlessly (while singing too). I gave up guitar shortly after because I knew I could never replicate that moment while sober lol.
I’m not a musician, but the pressure would get to me in that situation, I think. Being put on the spot is hardly the same as performing at scheduled venues. Not all musicians can play any number of songs on the fly, after all. People shouldn’t think of them like that, but they do. Good luck at the next wedding!
I can’t say I can relate as I’m not a musician and can’t play an instrument to save my life (I’ve tried and failed miserably), but there has been instances where people have expected me to remember things and I couldn’t. It was utterly embarrassing and to this day I haven’t lived it down. Also, your hero is a badass powerhouse.
Feb 16, 2022·edited Feb 16, 2022Liked by Tegan and Sara
I’m not a musician but when I was acting on stage once this happened to me, out of nowhere I just forgot the line and it’s the most jarring experience and it threw me off so much. It took me years to get over it.
It was like I’d forgotten who/where I was or what I was doing, apparently it was only a few seconds before I recovered and carried on talking again but it felt like forever.
Total amnesia and you’re right Sara, it did feel like a nightmare.
Feb 16, 2022·edited Feb 16, 2022Liked by Tegan and Sara
I took piano lessons for about 6 years as a kid and anytime anyone asked me to play something, nothing could ever come to mind. I completely agree with you by saying that being forced into lessons as a kid can water down any joy playing the instrument will bring in the future.
I went to a wedding this past weekend, one of my good friends from college was getting married to his girlfriend (now wife) of 6 years. After a few moments of surface-level self-reflection, I realized I had a crush on the groom...is this gay culture? (Also, Closer is the perfect post-vows wedding song).
This post really struck a chord with me (no apologies - I love a good pun), tho my experience is a little different.
I'm a classically trained musician. I spent quite a few years studying at a conservatory and without wanting to blow my own horn (there goes another one), I was actually good. I loved my time in the practice room, loved rehearsals, loved performing but I could never get my s*** together in an audition.
Blind orchestral auditions are a strange beast, but you need to be able to win one to get a job. I read every book and tried every trick - psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, beta-blockers, meditation, you name it. Eventually it got to the point where I fell out of love with music and it was devastating. The thing that I'd lose myself in whenever I needed to escape whatever else was going on in my life had become the thing that I needed to escape from.
These days I have a successful career in a completely different industry and after not touching my instrument for years I now play just for fun and have rediscovered my love for it. I have no regrets but when people find out about my former life there is that expectation that I can just play something on the spot, or will happily do parties, weddings, etc. Obviously they don't always know the reason why I walked away from that world, and I've definitely had my share of deer-caught-headlights moments as a result.
As a musician, how do you find balance when your job is simultaneously your "happy place" but can also be a source of stress/pressure/tension? Or if you don't have to, why do think that is?
While I would have been very disappointed if I was at that wedding, I can totally relate. If I need to do anything in front of people, I need time to mentally prepare. I think it's anxiety and perhaps getting worse as I get older but I feel you. You need time to work it though your subconscious before you can do it live. The pandemic is making it worse for me, I can't even go to the grocery store without psyching myself up for a few days first and they are usually out of cheezit snack mix, so its always a disappointment. Andrea
“Tripping doesn’t make me worry that I’ve forgotten how to walk.” I think this perfectly illustrates the way we view creative pursuits specifically. All creative people are terrified of “losing” their talent as if it just exists outside of effort and practice. Really fascinating.
There are two interesting points in this sharing in my opinion.
First: people always have this idea that those who do a certain thing for job, especially if they are famous, must always be ready to do it at any time. I think it's not really clear that there is a human being in front of they who is maybe just there to enjoy an evening, or has had a bad day or just doesn't want to think about what they thinks about most of the time.
Second: when these moments of blackout occur, which are more than normal in my opinion, the thing that paralyzes us is perhaps the fear of not having done our best, of disappointing and we worry about going to the bottom when because hey, we have studied, invested and worked practically every day of our life on something that we now master with closed eyes, we cannot allow ourselves to be wrong. But sometimes it just happens, as you said, tripping does not mean not knowing how to walk, I find it a very powerful phrase.
Sara, don't worry, if this happens to you in a live performance you can count on our support, we will also sing your entire discography!
Okay but can we talk about the fact that one of your heroes is yes, an award winning badass writer, but also a Canadian University professor. The rest of the world is out here idolizing actors and musicians and you're just minding your business fan girling over academia. No big deal.
It mustbe same for comedians who get asked to say something funny. It always seems strange to me. I mean you wouldn’t hand an artist a paintbrush and ask them to paint a picture at a wedding.
Personally I can’t relate to your hangover as I never get them myself, even after half a bottle of Patrón Silver. 😉
This is me when someone asks me my favorite anything. Have I ever heard music? What is a television? Motion pictures sound fun! What are they? But as a visual artist, when people ask me to "draw them something", I'm reduced to a 5th grader at best and feel a gnawing compulsion to show them Evidence™️ of past work that doesn't suck. But I'm too embarrassed to even do that much; it's probably secretly awful too but no one will tell me. So, I'm with ya girl. Though, Tegan does have you covered on forgetting lyrics on stage. You'll be okay.
Every week I have to present in front of the CEO, CTO, and the entire engineering team at the company I work for. It's nothing major - a powerpoint slide, a description of what my team is working on - but I am so in my head stressing that the CEO is unsatisfied that I fumble every sentence that isn't scripted. What's funny is that I'm someone who is generally unaffected by that kind of hierarchical status, and don't have general performance or presentation anxiety. The pressure I feel that I'm disappointing this one person in particular, though, turns me into a loon. Of course, we're our own worst critics. Case in point, one of the younger female engineers on my team recently told me that she's in awe of how I'm able to interact so "effortlessly" with that same group of people... and she sees me present every week! Ha! This topic reminds me of an article by Malcolm Gladwell about the distinction between panicking and choking during performative acts, called "The Art of Failure" - I found it interesting so I recommend reading it!
I know I can teach and lecture effortlessly without any worries or anxiety, yet when I went back for grad school three years ago and I had to give a presentation, I couldn’t say a single word watching people gaze at me. I had a major anxiety attack and lost my words. I struggle with “performing” (in my case presenting) in front of authority or in a crowd I’m not in control of. So it might not be intoxication that halts your ability to perform, but the pressure to prove you’re capable of performing and subconsciously knowing you’re not in control of the crowd.
Been playing guitar and singing since grade 8 and literally delete songs out of my brain entirely the minute after I learn them if I don't continuously play them. Exception would be the handful of songs I learned at age 14-15. Must be something to do with finding the cues to access the long-term storage. Weirdly though, the skills are retained. Like I'm not suddenly bad at guitar just can't remember how to play anything.
Hold on, I gotta google "egregious"
The opposite thing happened to me while intoxicated. I was in my early 20’s and learning basic guitar chords. I was terrible and I had absolutely no rhythm when strumming. One night, after eating a few pot cookies, I was suddenly able to play Beyoncé’s part in “Telephone” flawlessly (while singing too). I gave up guitar shortly after because I knew I could never replicate that moment while sober lol.
I’m not a musician, but the pressure would get to me in that situation, I think. Being put on the spot is hardly the same as performing at scheduled venues. Not all musicians can play any number of songs on the fly, after all. People shouldn’t think of them like that, but they do. Good luck at the next wedding!
I can’t say I can relate as I’m not a musician and can’t play an instrument to save my life (I’ve tried and failed miserably), but there has been instances where people have expected me to remember things and I couldn’t. It was utterly embarrassing and to this day I haven’t lived it down. Also, your hero is a badass powerhouse.
I’m not a musician but when I was acting on stage once this happened to me, out of nowhere I just forgot the line and it’s the most jarring experience and it threw me off so much. It took me years to get over it.
It was like I’d forgotten who/where I was or what I was doing, apparently it was only a few seconds before I recovered and carried on talking again but it felt like forever.
Total amnesia and you’re right Sara, it did feel like a nightmare.
I took piano lessons for about 6 years as a kid and anytime anyone asked me to play something, nothing could ever come to mind. I completely agree with you by saying that being forced into lessons as a kid can water down any joy playing the instrument will bring in the future.
I went to a wedding this past weekend, one of my good friends from college was getting married to his girlfriend (now wife) of 6 years. After a few moments of surface-level self-reflection, I realized I had a crush on the groom...is this gay culture? (Also, Closer is the perfect post-vows wedding song).
This post really struck a chord with me (no apologies - I love a good pun), tho my experience is a little different.
I'm a classically trained musician. I spent quite a few years studying at a conservatory and without wanting to blow my own horn (there goes another one), I was actually good. I loved my time in the practice room, loved rehearsals, loved performing but I could never get my s*** together in an audition.
Blind orchestral auditions are a strange beast, but you need to be able to win one to get a job. I read every book and tried every trick - psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, beta-blockers, meditation, you name it. Eventually it got to the point where I fell out of love with music and it was devastating. The thing that I'd lose myself in whenever I needed to escape whatever else was going on in my life had become the thing that I needed to escape from.
These days I have a successful career in a completely different industry and after not touching my instrument for years I now play just for fun and have rediscovered my love for it. I have no regrets but when people find out about my former life there is that expectation that I can just play something on the spot, or will happily do parties, weddings, etc. Obviously they don't always know the reason why I walked away from that world, and I've definitely had my share of deer-caught-headlights moments as a result.
As a musician, how do you find balance when your job is simultaneously your "happy place" but can also be a source of stress/pressure/tension? Or if you don't have to, why do think that is?
Sara,
While I would have been very disappointed if I was at that wedding, I can totally relate. If I need to do anything in front of people, I need time to mentally prepare. I think it's anxiety and perhaps getting worse as I get older but I feel you. You need time to work it though your subconscious before you can do it live. The pandemic is making it worse for me, I can't even go to the grocery store without psyching myself up for a few days first and they are usually out of cheezit snack mix, so its always a disappointment. Andrea
“Tripping doesn’t make me worry that I’ve forgotten how to walk.” I think this perfectly illustrates the way we view creative pursuits specifically. All creative people are terrified of “losing” their talent as if it just exists outside of effort and practice. Really fascinating.