Thanks for this and congrats to all involved in the making of Fanatical! I have mixed feelings about it after watching it at TIFF. I was horrified but I'm also thankful for you and the fans who were brave enough to tell this story because it made me reflect on a lot of things and I hope it brings a new perspective into how we all share our lives and how we receive and interact with so much information from others, famous or not. More self awareness, more compassion, less demands, less pressure 🙏
It's an interesting question: What is this Substack? What am I paying for? Not that anyone asked me but since there is a comment section, I'll leave my thoughts.
The way I see it, it's pretty simple: I've been enjoying and have felt comforted by the art you've been making and the experiences you've created as part of your art for a long time. I also know the music industry is in weird shape so I'm hoping whatever I pay is contributing to you having the financial resources to keep going.
What you end up making as artists is really not up to me but you have a pretty good track record of making cool, engaging, and sometimes thought-provoking stuff, so I'm not worried.
I did the whole year thing because my assumption is the money will go to their music journey and creation of what they want. They're writing books right now and it's gotten me back into making reading a priority. I could go on about how the act of reading is healthy for brain health. However, I will say it's an example of looking back on life in an amazing, productive, and healthy way. Something I hope all the Loners will embody
Such a great talk between the four of you. I’ve seen the film already twice at TIFF and it’s interesting you bring up the laughter from the audience. I had thought that a few times too, why are people laughing at this? But I do agree that a lot of times I think it is nervous laughter, or you don’t know how to react. I think it was a really great idea to put this out for people to know about what happened. I know a lot of people were unaware. I myself remember some stuff that happened back in the day and y’all posting about how you would never reach out to fans, etc., like giving a warning. And I do remember when some leaked photos came out. And it’s freaking horrifying cause it’s such an invasion of your privacy. And the fact that people might not realize how much that affected you? It’s crazy of course it’s going to affect you. You’re a human being.
In regards to paying for Substack, I will literally pay for anything that y’all put out to support you. I’ve never thought about if you’re gonna reply to comments or anything like that. I think it’s an awesome bonus if that happens but I definitely do not expect it whatsoever.
In regards to the cost, Substack, or other extras, I thought it was really interesting at the LA showing of fanatical Sara talking about the financial aspects of doing things such as VIP in regard to a question that someone had about not being able to afford meet and greets, etc. I think people forget that this is your career. Yes y’all used to come out after shows or stand at the merch table and talk to us back in the day. But that’s not sustainable as you get further and further in your career and people need to respect that and not always look back at that time and say oh I wish they could still do that. Personally, being a fan since 2000, I have greatly enjoyed watching you climb up in your career, hopefully have good financial success and and continue to do so and have all the opportunities you’ve ever dreamed to have. Who wouldn’t want that for their favorite artist? I’ve never understood people who want to bring you down and say they wish you could be a smaller more intimate band again. Or wish you could just do things for free. And this might be coming from a place of privilege for myself because I can afford to pay for a VIP but I think it’s a great a way for fans to meet you under safe circumstances. And it is a chance for you to gain monetary value as well.
All in all, I respect you all so much as musicians, as writers, as philanthropists, and most of all, as human beings. Thank you for everything you do ❤️
My gosh! All of a sudden, I feel horribly guilty. Erin spoke of fans seeing artists as an avatar and they want more than is possible. Ever since I learned about you two, I wanted to befriend you. Selfish and inappropriate. I’m sorry.
The other side of that is how you interact with us, breaks that mold of you being an avatar. You give us insights on your lives and I’m fascinated by the behind the scenes stuff, especially about my favorite band.
As far as the Substack space I thought you answered our comments based on merit. If you don’t ever respond, cool. I don’t mind paying for what you create. It’s brilliant.
That being said, I love the fans and community. They are the nicest people. Thanks for setting up the space for us. 😊
About Fanatical, this was a big teaser and I’m anxious to see it tomorrow. ❤️
I know what you mean. I felt the same way, at the start wanting to befriend them, and of course I would if we could get to know each other in person. but I know my place I’m just a fan, that’s all I’ll be to them and it’s inappropriate to expect otherwise, as you said. But I love that unlike many people, T&S actually try to make being one of their fans an enjoyable experience.
Update: I watched Fanatical and…damn. I understand why you asked about fan interaction. I’ll understand if you do take a step back from us but I hope you don’t. 😊
My gut tells me ‘Tara’ was Fake Tegan. They kept asking about the evidence you had. When they knew there wasn’t anything concrete, they played coy.
I saw the film at the NYC premiere and it was just shocking...just when you think there's a bottom, there's another bottom of lies and callousness. absolutely chilling film. I have not met any artist that are so caring and in touch with their fans like you are, Tegan and Sara. you both show you care about the fans in so many ways, that having to do that while dealing with this kind of situation is...incredible. tremendous respect for you, like, even more now. thank you for sharing this story and just love to the fans that were affected by this and to Tegan and all her friends and family that were affected by this. Tegan and Sara, you do enough for the fans. I came in mid point in your career and I still feel all the love and the sharing you do. I hope you never feel like you don't do enough. Thanks for all you do.
Tegan, you were so brave and assertive on that call with "Tara". I thought you had found Fegan at that point, and I was so impressed by your kindness and composure, but also you standing up for yourself so assuredly.
Also, I know you haven't talked about it before because it is deeply personal, but I was so sad and moved to learn that your mother had faced cancer and that you lost an aunt. My deepest condolences and my brightest wishes for your entire family.
This documentary will be the start of a really interesting and self-reflective conversation. And it's been released at a weirdly appropriate time. I guess that means there's a lucky star shining over the project.
I've watched this interview three times since its release, trying to process the emotions it stirred up. Tonight, I stayed up late to catch the film's public release. There’s a lot to take in, and I think your intentions were successful—at least in their impact on me. As a fan, I feel humbled, maybe a little checked.
I don't know what goes into the financial aspect, but in terms of what is owed by "you" or "artists" is precisely zero beyond the art. On this platform these videos/writings/blogs are the art. The same way buying a record entitles you to nothing but that it plays on a record player. The para-social relationship is not real and you are not responsible for upholding someone else's delusion. Perhaps I am missing something.
I'm about halfway through the movie and holy shit I am blown away. I have a new puppy so he woke up at 5 and I couldn't wait to watch.
First thoughts I was definitely on these message boards and watching wojos YouTube videos from 2008-2013, had no idea. I am so so sad for Tegan about this, this is so intrusive and awful and to such a nice wonderful person so cares so much for their fans. One of the reasons why I love this band is because of the way they build this community and showing the appreciation for their fans and for someone to take advantage of that is just despicable. I have another hour! To watch but wanted to respond here. Tegan and no one deserves this and I'm impressed you didn't just quit it all and live off the grid.
Let's start with saying that I think the substack path of T+S is an inside look into the T+S "world" so to speak. You're paying to get first dibs on news and what they want to share and respect that it is enough. I don't think T+S should be responsible for the unhealthy mindsets or mental habits of fans. We all have them. It falls on us as fans to acknowledge and take that responsibility to respect privacy and acknowledge T+S are regular people as well as celebrities in general. Everything in moderation.
I say you should never feel an obligation to give a whole bag of cookies or almond whatever to fans. If they don't like to enjoy, take a breath, and savor the music or whatever you choose to share.... Let them be.
BTW
T+S music is a cool pillow/warm blanket. Without fanatical behavior
Thank you for sharing this conversation. Y'all touched on so many things! =) In no particular order:
1. Yes, it's tricky when people are paying for (exclusive) access/content. Could you have shared for free? Sure, but again, it's a business, so can't fault economics. Do you "owe" subscribers anything? Not necessarily, but current and future value propositions are questioned. Perhaps it was timing but by the time I joined the Superclose Society, it turned out to just be a "one and done" transaction/exchange. Thankfully, this venture into Substack has been thus far more fruitful. =)
2. I'm so anxious about "Fanatical". I mean, of course curiosity has piqued my interest, but at the same time, I can't imagine the roller coaster you've been on all these years, in addition to your career trajectory. I'm just glad y'all found a path forward to maintain authenticity and still to some degree build a rapport and engage with supporters in a safe, meaningful way.
3. You're humans? People? What? Get outta here. J/K. Seriously, I know I'm not alone in that whatever y'all choose to share (the good, the bad, the in between) is appreciated, even if it's curated.
Wishing y'all continued success in all of your endeavors (current and future). =)
This is such a powerful, and painfully necessary conversation. All the discussions since the unveiling of Fake Tegan have been. I know you guys have had a justifiably fraught relationship with fandom and social media, etc, while also having a longing for community. Since the .ca days, the Superclose Society, Loners Club and more, you've always valued the close-knit community-building that exists here, too.
But.
That's tough. It has and requires limits and boundaries. And while some are great and respectful about them, some are awful. Just like real life - bc this IS real life. But man, it must be so tough to navigate those extreme pulls within you.
I can say that for myself, as someone who pays and participates a fair bit, I never expect a response or engagement. That's not what I'm paying for so much as just access to the community - people who share my interests, passions, and similar causes we fight for. Then the joy of some funny content, stripped songs, lyric breakdowns, etc - theyre such a neat behind the scenes look at work I love. But mostly I'm just here to give support. A drop in the cap of a busker. A way to say thanks and less a transaction that begets access to you. Ew. That would feel awful. I respect you, and your work....and that's as far as it goes.
Of course I still love when you engage, but only when it comes from that authentic "bc I just wanted to" place. That's when we all win :) And your wellness and safety are paramount, so if that's in order, so am I! :)
I am a fan "of a certain age." The changes over the years with regard to fan/artist interactions have been dramatic. I never dreamed of actually being in the presence of an artist I followed (outside of being in the audience) until the last 20 years, with the digital and internet explosion. So, I have never felt an artist owed me anything, and any personal interactions (like Meet and Greets) have been some of the best experiences I've had. I have learned HOW to be a fan, and how NOT to be THAT fan, and I've had the time to do that. The internet has definitely brought fans closer to their idols, and perhaps people who were born in the digital age don't know what a gift that is. You two go out of your way to interact (like here, and Meet and Greets), and I wish people knew how good they had it, and wouldn't spoil it for everyone. Stay safe!
The part about laughter in toxic situations or when you feel uncomfortable hit me right in the gut. I needed to hear this today. I have been using it as a coping mechanism when more work is thrown on my already full plate at work. I need to change this. It is kind of eye opening that yeah I probably feel entitled that I pay for substack so I expect content. It always makes my day when I get a response but I don’t expect it. I respond mainly because you guys content make me feel seen and inspire me to become a better person. Would love more content on stress management and setting boundaries while being respectful.
Any direct interaction from T+S accounts, such as a like or a heart, I see it as a flower. Acknowledgment and appreciation. If I want to look at it again or show someone, I screenshot it and that's it. That's my act of enjoyment.
I don't want to be to be like Angelica from hey Arnold. Lmaoooo she had a whole shrine of Arnold in her closet. 😆
I recently heard this episode of a podcast I LOVE, and in it a comedian who has lost family members to cancer talks about leaving spaces in her stand-up routines so people can laugh/cry/react when she talks about those hard moments, because it seems to be that the release of emotion can go either way. I thought it was really interesing:
Thanks for posting. As usual I’m watching in pieces, this is my part 1.
I appreciate the distraction as I’m headed to the Dentist tomorrow and have been trying to avoid thinking about it all week.
I’m so sorry this happened to you Tegan (but also Sara as the other half of the T&S duo), I can’t even begin to imagine what that must’ve been like, or I guess I should say ‘must be like’? It takes a special kind of cruel person to do this to someone and then wreck a whole bunch of people’s lives.
It’s interesting listening to all of you discuss the laughing thing. As I’ve mentioned on here, I recently got a diagnosis, I’m now prepared to share that I have autism. Getting a diagnosis of autism has made me start to re examine my own behaviour patterns as well as the people around me, don’t get me wrong I was already re-examining if I thought I’d f*cked something up, but I began to examine everything more closely. I too have done a ‘nervous laugh’ but I prefer to call it an ‘anxious laugh’ because for me, it’s means in my head I’m going ‘how the f do I respond to that?’ But what comes out is a nervous laugh, I’m getting better at just taking a sec before responding instead. But I still think about a time not that long ago, where this kid I was hanging out with brought up a very polarising historical figure and made a joke in bad taste, his older sister (who’s closer to my age), told him off and tried to explain but I’d already let out an uncomfortable laugh which he took as to mean I thought it was funny. I still think about it, try and assess what I could do differently next time, probably agree with the sister. I know what you guys mean about society as a whole though, it’s becoming common place to just laugh at stuff like that. I have a friend who, whenever we watch horror films together laughs at all the scary stuff because they’re uncomfortable, and I often find myself thinking ‘wtf that’s not funny’.
Thanks for having the courage to come out and share your experience with this, again I’m appalled that people do this crap to other people. I’m excited (if ‘excited’ is the right word) to watch the film. Thanks for telling us it’s on Disney too, I worked out it would be after the film ‘crush’ that faded like a feeling was in, was also on Disney and Hulu.
Have to say Tegan, because I’m a nerd for all things that are the band Tegan and Sara I remember you saying at the end of the audiobook recording interview that you had another book idea but wouldn’t share the title yet because you thought you could do something with it, I was not expecting this. Again sorry this happened, but glad you both continue to surprise me.
Sara, Sorry to hear what you said about comments, though thinking back to your section towards the end of the book, that makes sense. Also makes sense as to why Tegan replies more (that’s not meant as a dig, just a discussion point). You look after you, that’s more important than getting replies (that goes for both of you of course.)
you’ll always have a loyal fan in me. I remember watching as the YouTubers I watch put up more and more boundaries and people getting disappointed, and thinking to myself ‘this is a human being! we are not entitled to know anything about their live/s, therefore anything on top is a bonus. They can share what they want’, in fact I often develop more respect for people who have healthy boundaries, because I know from experience (not with a fan base) setting boundaries takes a lot of confidence in yourself
I’ll watch part 2 tomorrow! Love these episodes, regardless of lack of gardening content!
Thanks for sharing with us! (The boundaries thing, is partly why I always say ‘thanks for sharing’.)
Just watched the second half! I think I said a lot in the first half of my comment so won’t repeat myself. But Tegan and Sara, I hope you know how much your loyal fans appreciate you both! You are both amazing people, the way you were unapologetically out as gay from the start of your career was huge! You are both still referred to as the gay girl band for a generation of queer people! Not to mention the work you’ve done with the TSF! And your music too, your music has made a huge difference in my life, more than I want to share via the internet. Same with talking to you on here, I was in a horrible place when I started writing on here, as you probably gathered later into my posting as the facade started to drop, I’m doing better now, but when I was still at school sometimes a reply from one of you was a lifeline. Even a like or three letter reply. I’m in a much better space now but I’m always pleased to see replies. Hope you don’t think I expect them though, I know if you guys have time you’ll get to it and obviously it’s totally your call.
what you where saying about the depersonalisation was interesting, I always get annoyed on your behalf when I see others badmouthing you (though I usually don’t reply), I’m the same with some of the YouTubers I watch. I hate getting into spats with people online so I only go out on a limb now if it’s a topic that needs to be talked about or defended and no one is doing it.
Glad you like substack, I’m sorry that you see it as work but I also didn’t really expect otherwise.
Also there’s a paragraph in here (a couple ones up) where I praise you both, I could comfortably do this every time I comment but I don’t want to sound like a broken record so I usually don’t. That and I figured you’d rather feel like it’s a conversation than someone who’s (insert whatever the gender neutral word is for gigantic fan girl here). Make no mistake I’m a big fan, I love the parts of your personalities you wish to share with the world but I also love your music too.
Jesus this is a long comment! Thanks to anyone who read this long, sorry T&S if one of you tried to tackle this particular essay of mine. 😅😂
I just finished the film! Wow! I feel so sorry that this happened to you, Tegan, and to all the other victims that Fegan claimed. It saddens me to know that your music is a trigger for those victims too as your music means more to me than I can ever express in words. You’ll notice, I’ve never shared my face or even lastname on here, and am a lot more careful on the internet than most people my age. This is the place where I am most vulnerable on the internet and I think carefully before I post anything. People, particularly my generation forget that the internet can be a very scary place too. My parents used to say ‘the internet is a junkyard dressed up as a museum’. I’m guessing fegan is also part of why you both dislike social media, as you know, so do I. Again so sorry this happened. Well done for having the bravery to make this film, though, I’m sure it wasn’t easy. Sending love to you both as well as everyone else who was affected. Stay safe everyone!
I’m certainly looking forward to watching the film, and it really makes you think how even when we are most careful, we can still have trouble with people online.
And I want to take this opportunity to thank you for opening up about what happened, not every artist would do that.
Thanks for this and congrats to all involved in the making of Fanatical! I have mixed feelings about it after watching it at TIFF. I was horrified but I'm also thankful for you and the fans who were brave enough to tell this story because it made me reflect on a lot of things and I hope it brings a new perspective into how we all share our lives and how we receive and interact with so much information from others, famous or not. More self awareness, more compassion, less demands, less pressure 🙏
It's an interesting question: What is this Substack? What am I paying for? Not that anyone asked me but since there is a comment section, I'll leave my thoughts.
The way I see it, it's pretty simple: I've been enjoying and have felt comforted by the art you've been making and the experiences you've created as part of your art for a long time. I also know the music industry is in weird shape so I'm hoping whatever I pay is contributing to you having the financial resources to keep going.
What you end up making as artists is really not up to me but you have a pretty good track record of making cool, engaging, and sometimes thought-provoking stuff, so I'm not worried.
Thank you for taking us along on the journey!
I did the whole year thing because my assumption is the money will go to their music journey and creation of what they want. They're writing books right now and it's gotten me back into making reading a priority. I could go on about how the act of reading is healthy for brain health. However, I will say it's an example of looking back on life in an amazing, productive, and healthy way. Something I hope all the Loners will embody
Such a great talk between the four of you. I’ve seen the film already twice at TIFF and it’s interesting you bring up the laughter from the audience. I had thought that a few times too, why are people laughing at this? But I do agree that a lot of times I think it is nervous laughter, or you don’t know how to react. I think it was a really great idea to put this out for people to know about what happened. I know a lot of people were unaware. I myself remember some stuff that happened back in the day and y’all posting about how you would never reach out to fans, etc., like giving a warning. And I do remember when some leaked photos came out. And it’s freaking horrifying cause it’s such an invasion of your privacy. And the fact that people might not realize how much that affected you? It’s crazy of course it’s going to affect you. You’re a human being.
In regards to paying for Substack, I will literally pay for anything that y’all put out to support you. I’ve never thought about if you’re gonna reply to comments or anything like that. I think it’s an awesome bonus if that happens but I definitely do not expect it whatsoever.
In regards to the cost, Substack, or other extras, I thought it was really interesting at the LA showing of fanatical Sara talking about the financial aspects of doing things such as VIP in regard to a question that someone had about not being able to afford meet and greets, etc. I think people forget that this is your career. Yes y’all used to come out after shows or stand at the merch table and talk to us back in the day. But that’s not sustainable as you get further and further in your career and people need to respect that and not always look back at that time and say oh I wish they could still do that. Personally, being a fan since 2000, I have greatly enjoyed watching you climb up in your career, hopefully have good financial success and and continue to do so and have all the opportunities you’ve ever dreamed to have. Who wouldn’t want that for their favorite artist? I’ve never understood people who want to bring you down and say they wish you could be a smaller more intimate band again. Or wish you could just do things for free. And this might be coming from a place of privilege for myself because I can afford to pay for a VIP but I think it’s a great a way for fans to meet you under safe circumstances. And it is a chance for you to gain monetary value as well.
All in all, I respect you all so much as musicians, as writers, as philanthropists, and most of all, as human beings. Thank you for everything you do ❤️
My gosh! All of a sudden, I feel horribly guilty. Erin spoke of fans seeing artists as an avatar and they want more than is possible. Ever since I learned about you two, I wanted to befriend you. Selfish and inappropriate. I’m sorry.
The other side of that is how you interact with us, breaks that mold of you being an avatar. You give us insights on your lives and I’m fascinated by the behind the scenes stuff, especially about my favorite band.
As far as the Substack space I thought you answered our comments based on merit. If you don’t ever respond, cool. I don’t mind paying for what you create. It’s brilliant.
That being said, I love the fans and community. They are the nicest people. Thanks for setting up the space for us. 😊
About Fanatical, this was a big teaser and I’m anxious to see it tomorrow. ❤️
I know what you mean. I felt the same way, at the start wanting to befriend them, and of course I would if we could get to know each other in person. but I know my place I’m just a fan, that’s all I’ll be to them and it’s inappropriate to expect otherwise, as you said. But I love that unlike many people, T&S actually try to make being one of their fans an enjoyable experience.
I think you shouldn't't dwell on it. Happens to the best of us till we mellow out. I just hide the negative comments. The community....
I think we just hit the hide button on the negative comments hehe
Update: I watched Fanatical and…damn. I understand why you asked about fan interaction. I’ll understand if you do take a step back from us but I hope you don’t. 😊
My gut tells me ‘Tara’ was Fake Tegan. They kept asking about the evidence you had. When they knew there wasn’t anything concrete, they played coy.
I saw the film at the NYC premiere and it was just shocking...just when you think there's a bottom, there's another bottom of lies and callousness. absolutely chilling film. I have not met any artist that are so caring and in touch with their fans like you are, Tegan and Sara. you both show you care about the fans in so many ways, that having to do that while dealing with this kind of situation is...incredible. tremendous respect for you, like, even more now. thank you for sharing this story and just love to the fans that were affected by this and to Tegan and all her friends and family that were affected by this. Tegan and Sara, you do enough for the fans. I came in mid point in your career and I still feel all the love and the sharing you do. I hope you never feel like you don't do enough. Thanks for all you do.
OK, I just finished watching Fanatical.
Tegan, you were so brave and assertive on that call with "Tara". I thought you had found Fegan at that point, and I was so impressed by your kindness and composure, but also you standing up for yourself so assuredly.
Also, I know you haven't talked about it before because it is deeply personal, but I was so sad and moved to learn that your mother had faced cancer and that you lost an aunt. My deepest condolences and my brightest wishes for your entire family.
This documentary will be the start of a really interesting and self-reflective conversation. And it's been released at a weirdly appropriate time. I guess that means there's a lucky star shining over the project.
Thank you. For this, and for everything you do.
I've watched this interview three times since its release, trying to process the emotions it stirred up. Tonight, I stayed up late to catch the film's public release. There’s a lot to take in, and I think your intentions were successful—at least in their impact on me. As a fan, I feel humbled, maybe a little checked.
But Tegan—no wonder you had hives, because damn.
Same.
I don't know what goes into the financial aspect, but in terms of what is owed by "you" or "artists" is precisely zero beyond the art. On this platform these videos/writings/blogs are the art. The same way buying a record entitles you to nothing but that it plays on a record player. The para-social relationship is not real and you are not responsible for upholding someone else's delusion. Perhaps I am missing something.
I'm about halfway through the movie and holy shit I am blown away. I have a new puppy so he woke up at 5 and I couldn't wait to watch.
First thoughts I was definitely on these message boards and watching wojos YouTube videos from 2008-2013, had no idea. I am so so sad for Tegan about this, this is so intrusive and awful and to such a nice wonderful person so cares so much for their fans. One of the reasons why I love this band is because of the way they build this community and showing the appreciation for their fans and for someone to take advantage of that is just despicable. I have another hour! To watch but wanted to respond here. Tegan and no one deserves this and I'm impressed you didn't just quit it all and live off the grid.
Let's start with saying that I think the substack path of T+S is an inside look into the T+S "world" so to speak. You're paying to get first dibs on news and what they want to share and respect that it is enough. I don't think T+S should be responsible for the unhealthy mindsets or mental habits of fans. We all have them. It falls on us as fans to acknowledge and take that responsibility to respect privacy and acknowledge T+S are regular people as well as celebrities in general. Everything in moderation.
I say you should never feel an obligation to give a whole bag of cookies or almond whatever to fans. If they don't like to enjoy, take a breath, and savor the music or whatever you choose to share.... Let them be.
BTW
T+S music is a cool pillow/warm blanket. Without fanatical behavior
Thank you for sharing this conversation. Y'all touched on so many things! =) In no particular order:
1. Yes, it's tricky when people are paying for (exclusive) access/content. Could you have shared for free? Sure, but again, it's a business, so can't fault economics. Do you "owe" subscribers anything? Not necessarily, but current and future value propositions are questioned. Perhaps it was timing but by the time I joined the Superclose Society, it turned out to just be a "one and done" transaction/exchange. Thankfully, this venture into Substack has been thus far more fruitful. =)
2. I'm so anxious about "Fanatical". I mean, of course curiosity has piqued my interest, but at the same time, I can't imagine the roller coaster you've been on all these years, in addition to your career trajectory. I'm just glad y'all found a path forward to maintain authenticity and still to some degree build a rapport and engage with supporters in a safe, meaningful way.
3. You're humans? People? What? Get outta here. J/K. Seriously, I know I'm not alone in that whatever y'all choose to share (the good, the bad, the in between) is appreciated, even if it's curated.
Wishing y'all continued success in all of your endeavors (current and future). =)
This is such a powerful, and painfully necessary conversation. All the discussions since the unveiling of Fake Tegan have been. I know you guys have had a justifiably fraught relationship with fandom and social media, etc, while also having a longing for community. Since the .ca days, the Superclose Society, Loners Club and more, you've always valued the close-knit community-building that exists here, too.
But.
That's tough. It has and requires limits and boundaries. And while some are great and respectful about them, some are awful. Just like real life - bc this IS real life. But man, it must be so tough to navigate those extreme pulls within you.
I can say that for myself, as someone who pays and participates a fair bit, I never expect a response or engagement. That's not what I'm paying for so much as just access to the community - people who share my interests, passions, and similar causes we fight for. Then the joy of some funny content, stripped songs, lyric breakdowns, etc - theyre such a neat behind the scenes look at work I love. But mostly I'm just here to give support. A drop in the cap of a busker. A way to say thanks and less a transaction that begets access to you. Ew. That would feel awful. I respect you, and your work....and that's as far as it goes.
Of course I still love when you engage, but only when it comes from that authentic "bc I just wanted to" place. That's when we all win :) And your wellness and safety are paramount, so if that's in order, so am I! :)
I am a fan "of a certain age." The changes over the years with regard to fan/artist interactions have been dramatic. I never dreamed of actually being in the presence of an artist I followed (outside of being in the audience) until the last 20 years, with the digital and internet explosion. So, I have never felt an artist owed me anything, and any personal interactions (like Meet and Greets) have been some of the best experiences I've had. I have learned HOW to be a fan, and how NOT to be THAT fan, and I've had the time to do that. The internet has definitely brought fans closer to their idols, and perhaps people who were born in the digital age don't know what a gift that is. You two go out of your way to interact (like here, and Meet and Greets), and I wish people knew how good they had it, and wouldn't spoil it for everyone. Stay safe!
The part about laughter in toxic situations or when you feel uncomfortable hit me right in the gut. I needed to hear this today. I have been using it as a coping mechanism when more work is thrown on my already full plate at work. I need to change this. It is kind of eye opening that yeah I probably feel entitled that I pay for substack so I expect content. It always makes my day when I get a response but I don’t expect it. I respond mainly because you guys content make me feel seen and inspire me to become a better person. Would love more content on stress management and setting boundaries while being respectful.
Any direct interaction from T+S accounts, such as a like or a heart, I see it as a flower. Acknowledgment and appreciation. If I want to look at it again or show someone, I screenshot it and that's it. That's my act of enjoyment.
I don't want to be to be like Angelica from hey Arnold. Lmaoooo she had a whole shrine of Arnold in her closet. 😆
I recently heard this episode of a podcast I LOVE, and in it a comedian who has lost family members to cancer talks about leaving spaces in her stand-up routines so people can laugh/cry/react when she talks about those hard moments, because it seems to be that the release of emotion can go either way. I thought it was really interesing:
https://www.abc.net.au/listen/programs/take-5/michelle-brasier-take-5-right-song-right-moment/104372574
Hey Tegan and Sara (& Jenny and Erin),
Thanks for posting. As usual I’m watching in pieces, this is my part 1.
I appreciate the distraction as I’m headed to the Dentist tomorrow and have been trying to avoid thinking about it all week.
I’m so sorry this happened to you Tegan (but also Sara as the other half of the T&S duo), I can’t even begin to imagine what that must’ve been like, or I guess I should say ‘must be like’? It takes a special kind of cruel person to do this to someone and then wreck a whole bunch of people’s lives.
It’s interesting listening to all of you discuss the laughing thing. As I’ve mentioned on here, I recently got a diagnosis, I’m now prepared to share that I have autism. Getting a diagnosis of autism has made me start to re examine my own behaviour patterns as well as the people around me, don’t get me wrong I was already re-examining if I thought I’d f*cked something up, but I began to examine everything more closely. I too have done a ‘nervous laugh’ but I prefer to call it an ‘anxious laugh’ because for me, it’s means in my head I’m going ‘how the f do I respond to that?’ But what comes out is a nervous laugh, I’m getting better at just taking a sec before responding instead. But I still think about a time not that long ago, where this kid I was hanging out with brought up a very polarising historical figure and made a joke in bad taste, his older sister (who’s closer to my age), told him off and tried to explain but I’d already let out an uncomfortable laugh which he took as to mean I thought it was funny. I still think about it, try and assess what I could do differently next time, probably agree with the sister. I know what you guys mean about society as a whole though, it’s becoming common place to just laugh at stuff like that. I have a friend who, whenever we watch horror films together laughs at all the scary stuff because they’re uncomfortable, and I often find myself thinking ‘wtf that’s not funny’.
Thanks for having the courage to come out and share your experience with this, again I’m appalled that people do this crap to other people. I’m excited (if ‘excited’ is the right word) to watch the film. Thanks for telling us it’s on Disney too, I worked out it would be after the film ‘crush’ that faded like a feeling was in, was also on Disney and Hulu.
Have to say Tegan, because I’m a nerd for all things that are the band Tegan and Sara I remember you saying at the end of the audiobook recording interview that you had another book idea but wouldn’t share the title yet because you thought you could do something with it, I was not expecting this. Again sorry this happened, but glad you both continue to surprise me.
Sara, Sorry to hear what you said about comments, though thinking back to your section towards the end of the book, that makes sense. Also makes sense as to why Tegan replies more (that’s not meant as a dig, just a discussion point). You look after you, that’s more important than getting replies (that goes for both of you of course.)
you’ll always have a loyal fan in me. I remember watching as the YouTubers I watch put up more and more boundaries and people getting disappointed, and thinking to myself ‘this is a human being! we are not entitled to know anything about their live/s, therefore anything on top is a bonus. They can share what they want’, in fact I often develop more respect for people who have healthy boundaries, because I know from experience (not with a fan base) setting boundaries takes a lot of confidence in yourself
I’ll watch part 2 tomorrow! Love these episodes, regardless of lack of gardening content!
Thanks for sharing with us! (The boundaries thing, is partly why I always say ‘thanks for sharing’.)
Just watched the second half! I think I said a lot in the first half of my comment so won’t repeat myself. But Tegan and Sara, I hope you know how much your loyal fans appreciate you both! You are both amazing people, the way you were unapologetically out as gay from the start of your career was huge! You are both still referred to as the gay girl band for a generation of queer people! Not to mention the work you’ve done with the TSF! And your music too, your music has made a huge difference in my life, more than I want to share via the internet. Same with talking to you on here, I was in a horrible place when I started writing on here, as you probably gathered later into my posting as the facade started to drop, I’m doing better now, but when I was still at school sometimes a reply from one of you was a lifeline. Even a like or three letter reply. I’m in a much better space now but I’m always pleased to see replies. Hope you don’t think I expect them though, I know if you guys have time you’ll get to it and obviously it’s totally your call.
what you where saying about the depersonalisation was interesting, I always get annoyed on your behalf when I see others badmouthing you (though I usually don’t reply), I’m the same with some of the YouTubers I watch. I hate getting into spats with people online so I only go out on a limb now if it’s a topic that needs to be talked about or defended and no one is doing it.
Glad you like substack, I’m sorry that you see it as work but I also didn’t really expect otherwise.
Also there’s a paragraph in here (a couple ones up) where I praise you both, I could comfortably do this every time I comment but I don’t want to sound like a broken record so I usually don’t. That and I figured you’d rather feel like it’s a conversation than someone who’s (insert whatever the gender neutral word is for gigantic fan girl here). Make no mistake I’m a big fan, I love the parts of your personalities you wish to share with the world but I also love your music too.
Jesus this is a long comment! Thanks to anyone who read this long, sorry T&S if one of you tried to tackle this particular essay of mine. 😅😂
In short thanks for doing everything you both do!
Thanks for sharing.
Phoenix, he/they/it, 17, Australia
I just finished the film! Wow! I feel so sorry that this happened to you, Tegan, and to all the other victims that Fegan claimed. It saddens me to know that your music is a trigger for those victims too as your music means more to me than I can ever express in words. You’ll notice, I’ve never shared my face or even lastname on here, and am a lot more careful on the internet than most people my age. This is the place where I am most vulnerable on the internet and I think carefully before I post anything. People, particularly my generation forget that the internet can be a very scary place too. My parents used to say ‘the internet is a junkyard dressed up as a museum’. I’m guessing fegan is also part of why you both dislike social media, as you know, so do I. Again so sorry this happened. Well done for having the bravery to make this film, though, I’m sure it wasn’t easy. Sending love to you both as well as everyone else who was affected. Stay safe everyone!
I’m certainly looking forward to watching the film, and it really makes you think how even when we are most careful, we can still have trouble with people online.
And I want to take this opportunity to thank you for opening up about what happened, not every artist would do that.