I adore this reflection. I think, as queer folks, we spent the first portion of our lives with our fists up, and then the world changed (to an extent), and we gained life experience more generally, but we've never practiced vulnerability. My partner is so stunningly proficient at being vulnerable, and she teaches me something new every day. My gut reaction is always, "Why do you set yourself up for disappointment? Why are you serving your emotions on a platter to those who could tear it all down?" But it's me that's maladapted, not her. I can write my feelings out for pages, but to turn to someone and say, "I'm excited for this, I'm open to this" is torturous. Being jaded is a full time job.
With that said, I am so looking forward to your show! The book was fantastic. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Even if it all comes crashing down (it won't), I'll still think that you are both badasses.
You and Sara deserve this so much and I’m so so proud that you’re getting the oppurtunity to share your story with others who may have not read high school! I can’t wait to watch it and to keep supporting you through this amazing oppurtunity ❤️ I love the photos in this post, keep the bts pictures coming!
This is so beautiful. You expressed the fear of being let down and rejected so well. It’s a coping and a defense mechanism, I suppose. A way to be in control of your mind and feelings. I literally do the same. I convince myself if something is gonna happen, it will and if it won’t then...oh well, I hadn’t expected it to happen anyway, even though deep down I had been excited for it, just not out loud and not in front of people. The thing is the fans’ excitement over High School is immeasurable, and now reading this post I feel like I need to tone down my excitement just in case anything goes wrong (and hopefully nothing will).
Thank you for sharing your feelings. You deserve to be in this place of success even when you don’t feel like it might last. It’s all your hard work paying off.
This story makes me so happy. From seeing you open for Juliana Hatfield, to headlining your own shows, gaining more and more popularity, to having a TV show made about your high school days just makes my heart happy!
And I just have to say, it’s nice to hear about someone else not letting themselves feel excited for something until it’s a sure thing. I do that too often and sometimes I think I manifest the good thing away from myself.
Thank you so much for sharing. Totally understandable about trying not to go ahead of yourself. But for the time being, yes, keep soaking it all in and enjoy. All great stuff happening all around! No matter what, your fans love and support you both in all of your endeavors.
I can’t wait for the show! I moved to the states from Calgary when I was eleven, so reading High School and then the anticipation of getting to watch it on TV really satiates my fantasy of what being a teenager in Calgary could have been like. I’m so glad that this is coming to fruition and I love your new tuque, very cool 🥰
I can't imagine being in your place but you definitely made me feel your emotions about it which is really cool. I can imagine it is hard being the one who doesn't feel the high highs and the low lows. I wish I had the ability to you keep myself more level, as I am the opposite and ride the roller coaster of emotions and too often get disappointed when I get my hopes up too high. I'm proud of you for allowing yourself to feel some of the excitement 😊. It's happening, you did it and it's reality ❤ Enjoy the experiences.
Make sure you have plenty of layers to keep warm. 😘 I am so incredibly proud of you both! To say I’m excited to see Railey and Seazynn play you and Sara in A FUCKING TV SHOW!!!! Is a huge understatement! I remember being in Calgary for The Con X tour, standing on the balcony of our airbnb in shorts and a tank top. Being told I must be insane because it was apparently freezing outside. I was named “The Radiator” on the HIJLY U.K. tour because everyone hugged me to keep warm. 😂😂😂
How did it feel the first time you walked back into Crescent Heights knowing you were going to see Railey and Seazynn being you in your old school! ❤️❤️❤️
That vulnerability thing - it's always a balance, as one matures, between protecting oneself and revealing oneself (to the right person/people), isn't it? Do we really want the extreme highs - and lows - of our earlier lives, or do we want to be more moderate, and thus, more stable?
You said you kindof only let yourselves be vulnerable through your music - well, it looks like you've branched out now in your written words: your book, and now, this substack. Good for you. Your vulnerabilities and strengths are what people relate to. And, of course, we're all totally trustworthy. ☺
Really felt this post. One of my friends once asked me why I try so hard to deny myself pleasure. I feel like I know why and it's because I take rejection and/or disappointment incredibly hard. It is self-preservation. It's also how I usually know that the person who seems least excited about something undeniably exciting has the tender heart.
Ah tegan this is huge and you should be so so excited. Live it, just enjoy each day. Don't let the expectations take away from what is happening today. Today is amazing.
Tegan, what you said about being scared to be vulnerable resonated so deeply with me. I find myself avoiding certain movies that might drum up sadness, anticipation and fear for this reason--what a waste of a well-functioning human heart. Thank you for being vulnerable with us so that we may also learn something about ourselves. All the best with the tv show and can't wait to watch!
I adore this reflection. I think, as queer folks, we spent the first portion of our lives with our fists up, and then the world changed (to an extent), and we gained life experience more generally, but we've never practiced vulnerability. My partner is so stunningly proficient at being vulnerable, and she teaches me something new every day. My gut reaction is always, "Why do you set yourself up for disappointment? Why are you serving your emotions on a platter to those who could tear it all down?" But it's me that's maladapted, not her. I can write my feelings out for pages, but to turn to someone and say, "I'm excited for this, I'm open to this" is torturous. Being jaded is a full time job.
With that said, I am so looking forward to your show! The book was fantastic. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Even if it all comes crashing down (it won't), I'll still think that you are both badasses.
Well, let's both practice saying how we feel! especially when we are excited and looking forward to something!
I'd love to see a spin off with the toilet paper roll as main character
Like Towely from South Park! And voiced by Tig Notaro
😂
You and Sara deserve this so much and I’m so so proud that you’re getting the oppurtunity to share your story with others who may have not read high school! I can’t wait to watch it and to keep supporting you through this amazing oppurtunity ❤️ I love the photos in this post, keep the bts pictures coming!
Why did this make me tear up? Really can't wait.
This is so beautiful. You expressed the fear of being let down and rejected so well. It’s a coping and a defense mechanism, I suppose. A way to be in control of your mind and feelings. I literally do the same. I convince myself if something is gonna happen, it will and if it won’t then...oh well, I hadn’t expected it to happen anyway, even though deep down I had been excited for it, just not out loud and not in front of people. The thing is the fans’ excitement over High School is immeasurable, and now reading this post I feel like I need to tone down my excitement just in case anything goes wrong (and hopefully nothing will).
Thank you for sharing your feelings. You deserve to be in this place of success even when you don’t feel like it might last. It’s all your hard work paying off.
Thanks Maryam! ❤️
This story makes me so happy. From seeing you open for Juliana Hatfield, to headlining your own shows, gaining more and more popularity, to having a TV show made about your high school days just makes my heart happy!
And I just have to say, it’s nice to hear about someone else not letting themselves feel excited for something until it’s a sure thing. I do that too often and sometimes I think I manifest the good thing away from myself.
I got a lot of texts from friends saying the same. I'm glad I'm not alone in behaving this way! HA!
Thank you so much for sharing. Totally understandable about trying not to go ahead of yourself. But for the time being, yes, keep soaking it all in and enjoy. All great stuff happening all around! No matter what, your fans love and support you both in all of your endeavors.
I can’t wait for the show! I moved to the states from Calgary when I was eleven, so reading High School and then the anticipation of getting to watch it on TV really satiates my fantasy of what being a teenager in Calgary could have been like. I’m so glad that this is coming to fruition and I love your new tuque, very cool 🥰
I can't imagine being in your place but you definitely made me feel your emotions about it which is really cool. I can imagine it is hard being the one who doesn't feel the high highs and the low lows. I wish I had the ability to you keep myself more level, as I am the opposite and ride the roller coaster of emotions and too often get disappointed when I get my hopes up too high. I'm proud of you for allowing yourself to feel some of the excitement 😊. It's happening, you did it and it's reality ❤ Enjoy the experiences.
Make sure you have plenty of layers to keep warm. 😘 I am so incredibly proud of you both! To say I’m excited to see Railey and Seazynn play you and Sara in A FUCKING TV SHOW!!!! Is a huge understatement! I remember being in Calgary for The Con X tour, standing on the balcony of our airbnb in shorts and a tank top. Being told I must be insane because it was apparently freezing outside. I was named “The Radiator” on the HIJLY U.K. tour because everyone hugged me to keep warm. 😂😂😂
How did it feel the first time you walked back into Crescent Heights knowing you were going to see Railey and Seazynn being you in your old school! ❤️❤️❤️
That vulnerability thing - it's always a balance, as one matures, between protecting oneself and revealing oneself (to the right person/people), isn't it? Do we really want the extreme highs - and lows - of our earlier lives, or do we want to be more moderate, and thus, more stable?
You said you kindof only let yourselves be vulnerable through your music - well, it looks like you've branched out now in your written words: your book, and now, this substack. Good for you. Your vulnerabilities and strengths are what people relate to. And, of course, we're all totally trustworthy. ☺
Thanks Angie!!! I hope this substack is a place for others to do the same!
Really felt this post. One of my friends once asked me why I try so hard to deny myself pleasure. I feel like I know why and it's because I take rejection and/or disappointment incredibly hard. It is self-preservation. It's also how I usually know that the person who seems least excited about something undeniably exciting has the tender heart.
I never really thought about whether my personality was similar to either of yours but now I know. Tegan and I are kindred spirits.
I can't imagine what it feels like to make a series of your life and what you had to go through to get to where you are.
They deserve all the success in the world. ☘️✨
Ah tegan this is huge and you should be so so excited. Live it, just enjoy each day. Don't let the expectations take away from what is happening today. Today is amazing.
Tegan, what you said about being scared to be vulnerable resonated so deeply with me. I find myself avoiding certain movies that might drum up sadness, anticipation and fear for this reason--what a waste of a well-functioning human heart. Thank you for being vulnerable with us so that we may also learn something about ourselves. All the best with the tv show and can't wait to watch!
Well! Maybe not a waste of a heart, but certainly your heart is strong and can take more than you might think it can. Both the good and bad. ❤️
Thank you, thank you <3